you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
