wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
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Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
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I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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