i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up