Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
