Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
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I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
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Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.