someone threw a dead crab at me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons