my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
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He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
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I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.