It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.