I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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