Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I smell like Dick and happiness
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
