Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
