my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
