Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
