you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
