fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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