You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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