So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he puts the penis in happiness.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
