Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
