you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
