The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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