no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
