is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
