his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
