Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
