i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
