i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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