I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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