New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
