Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
