Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Terrible idea I love it
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
