Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
