If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
