so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
