You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
