hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I want to be your penis for a week.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
