My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
