I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
