i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you win again, gameday.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
