Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
