no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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