He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
