Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
