i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
