Your mouth is God's brothel.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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