there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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