i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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