don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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