I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
