Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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