the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
