mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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