Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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