I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
