That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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