oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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