My boss' voice literally gives me gas
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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