Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize