Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize