TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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