it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
