My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
