his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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