Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
