GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
