I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
