I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
