im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
