Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I met the friendliest cop last night
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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