Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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