how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize