Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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