Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
