Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
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You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
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That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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