I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Quick, to the slutcave!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
