Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
