So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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