I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
